Ed!: I totally forgot to share that time I made lasagna cupcakes. They’re just like regular lasagna, except cuter. Sometimes I’m pretty awesome at kitchen.
In other news, I have recently been gifted with a bunch of delicious(?) presents, and updates will resume in the soon. I hope you’re ready to hate me, mouth.
1.5.12|Pierogis Slathered in “Dessert Topping”
Recap (Ed!): Apparently this was never posted here. That is a tragedy, because it marks our first episode of Other Ed Eats Things. It’s the Family Matters to my Perfect Strangers, except I’ll be damned if I let Reginald Vel Ed get upstaged by Jaleel White.
Regardless, this is what happens after a long night of slogging back vodka-laced cups of Jell-O with a local celebrity.
Verdict: You can dip pretty much anything in it.
12.28.11|Hola! [Salted Plums]
Recap (Other Ed): My current job requires me to wander around a bit. Not that I think about Ed! all that often, but generally when I run into a foodstuff that looks dubious and vaguely revolting I can’t help but wonder if Ed! will shove it into his mouth for your viewing pleasure.
So when I found myself in an Old Town San Diego gift shop killing time before a meeting, I found a corner of snacks and candies. I noted the existence of the following items.
1. Tamarind Burrito - I decided not to get him this because it might give him the diabetes…and make his teeth rot away at the same time.
2. Greñitas con chili - I have no idea what these are or what “amer pulp” is but the literal translation seems to be “little mops with chili”. It looked suspiciously like another tamarind product so I put them back.
3. Chili Coated Gummy Worms - I mean, it just sounded weird, but not gross enough to enjoy Ed! eating.
4. Hola! Salted Plums - Ultimately I went with these. If I could only convey what it felt like to pick up that package and observe the little nuggets suspended in that viscous goo. I was certain the goo was created partially by the tears of those that had to make this product.
Verdict: Upon viewing this footage at about 1:40 I was sure I had changed Ed!’s life forever.
11.7.11|Ostrich Jerky
Recap: As it is nearing the season of insane electoral politics, fact checking has become the modus operandi for many a news website. We here at Ed! Eats Things believe that no one is immune from being vetted. This includes of course, Ed! So, here we go.
1. The Ed! Eats Things apartment hasn’t been cleaned in 5 years.
This unfortunately, is mostly true. What can we say, we’re dudes.
2. Other Ed estimates that [the ostrich jerky] is about a year old.
False. Other Ed is a moron that can’t count. Said jerky is in fact about 3 years old. We’re very happy that Ed! didn’t die after eating it. Also, in Other Ed’s defense, he didn’t think Ed! would actually eat it. But, refer to above moron comment.
3. Jerky goes bad.
True. Beware the false sense of security you get from cured meats people.
4. Potassium sorbate caused the confusingly chocolatey taste.
Probably false. The deep 5 minute research the team did on this matter revealed only indications of a bubble-gum like aroma and flavor. This wonderful compound is probably the reason Ed! didn’t die after eating 3 year old jerky.
5. Ed! actually owns those tie-dyed pants.
True.
Verdict: We need to clean our apartment more often. Or less often. Whatever.
11.5.11|Jelly Belly Strawberry Dessert Topper
Recap: Many thanks to Ed!’s friend Bob who mailed in a sample of this fine syrupy nepenthe to him. The perils of not hitting record are terrifying. You are expecting that your words are being recorded so that approximately 30-50 people will view your words and perhaps be moved by them. But instead, they only disappear into the air around you, where only you could hear the words you spoke about…
…a dessert topping that looks like Pepto.
Verdict: Bob, you’re the best.
10.20.11|Gator Jerky
Recap: Ed! Eats Things goes to trivia nights at LIC Bar in Queens. If you all live within reasonable distance of this bar we suggest you go, the hosts are hilarious and it’s an all around good time. Plus, the prize is a $50 bar tab, which is way better than many other trivia nights in the city.
Our trivia teammates have been featured in episodes past, but in this episode we feature our arch-rivals G-Rex (Liz and Dana). G-Rex took a jaunt down to cajun country in New Orleans over the summer, and came back with some gator jerky. After threatening Ed! with it for a few weeks G-Rexite Liz produced it at the bar. What ensued was a somewhat loud, slightly tipsy and extremely blinding affair to all those involved.
Verdict: OH YEA!
10.11.11|Ghiradelli’s 100% Cacao Chocolate Bar
Recap: Hi folks, it’s been awhile since Ed! has posted things here. It’s not for wont of trying, his dickhead of an archivist has been lax in his duties. This episode of Ed! Eats Things hails from a few weeks ago, when the team escaped from New York City to the wilds of the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania for a weekend of eating and loafing.
Enjoy Ed! as he tries to accomplish the 100% cacao challenge. Not that we are fans of Daniel Tosh by any stretch of the imagination, Other Ed just could not resist in seeing if Ed! could accomplish what so many tried and failed to do.
Ed! pretty much assumes he can eat anything. 1:22 proves that he can be wrong sometimes.
Verdict: Ed! made it further than this guy. We’re so proud of him.
10.6.11|Olive Oil and Ricotta Gelato
Recap: The best Ed! Eats Things episodes come unexpectedly. Today, as she just waltzed into the Ed! Eats Things apartment for no apparent reason, Katie Pitz decided to bequeath Ed! with his next adventure. News of his endeavors travel far and wide, and as she was wandering in a fancy market on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, she decided this dubious treat would be up his alley.
Turns out, oily cheesy ice cream is quite delicious!
Verdict: At least it wasn’t made with this cheese.
10.4.11|Bud Light Chelada
Recap: You might have noticed that Ed! is finally unarchiving some of the lost footage from Ed! Eats Things Mark 1. Several weeks ago Ed! was in the wilds of Arizona, battling Mexicans and more importantly hanging out with a bunch of nerds. Don’t worry, we here at Ed! Eats Things are one with the nerds, if you haven’t noticed…over…and over again.
Aside from bonding over Kingdom of Loathing, they had a jolly good time as you can hear in the din of the background. Also, the distracting background narration at 0:30 into the clip is just wonderful, it’s almost as if they weren’t drinking something horrible and disgusting and instead were taking part in a documentary of the science of facial hair grafting.
Verdict: Bud Light + Clamato = Chelada?
10.3.11|Vodka Infused Pickled Jalapeño
Recap: Boo! It’s another episode of Ed! Eats Things. This is a video from days of yore, maybe around the 17th of September when Ed! was younger and fairer. That is to say, perhaps his beard wasn’t quite as bushy, and he hadn’t done this to himself yet. At a party of beloved friends and relative, Ed! decided to humor his hosts and take a bite of a pepper that had been marinating in vodka. East met West in a big way inside his mouth.
The reaction plus the obligatory Peter Piper joke made this event momentous and a bit silly all at the same time. It’s like if you saw Vladimir Putin wearing a sombrero. Or Vicente Fox eating some borscht.
Verdict: Who the fuck is Vicente Fox?
