Ed! Eats Things

3.10.12|Knäckebröd

Recap:  Hello everyone!  We promise Ed! is okay, he had some things to do, new foods to discover and some dalliances along the way.  But now he’s determined to get back into putting foreign objects into his mouth.  

Other Ed goes out to lunch once in awhile, and recently discovered the joys of Scandinavia House.  Aside from having excellent picked herring and things made of lingonberry, they have an Ikea sort of thing happening in front of the restaurant which is where today’s food of choice was discovered.  

If anything we got see Ed! try to pronounce things in Swedish.  One of the few European places he’s not from.

Verdict:  Triscuits ARE food.   

1.5.12|Pierogis Slathered in “Dessert Topping”

Recap (Ed!): Apparently this was never posted here. That is a tragedy, because it marks our first episode of Other Ed Eats Things. It’s the Family Matters to my Perfect Strangers, except I’ll be damned if I let Reginald Vel Ed get upstaged by Jaleel White. 

Regardless, this is what happens after a long night of slogging back vodka-laced cups of Jell-O with a local celebrity. 

Verdict: You can dip pretty much anything in it. 

12.28.11|Hola! [Salted Plums]

Recap (Other Ed):  My current job requires me to wander around a bit.  Not that I think about Ed! all that often, but generally when I run into a foodstuff that looks dubious and vaguely revolting I can’t help but wonder if Ed! will shove it into his mouth for your viewing pleasure.  

So when I found myself in an Old Town San Diego gift shop killing time before a meeting, I found a corner of snacks and candies.  I noted the existence of the following items. 

1.  Tamarind Burrito - I decided not to get him this because it might give him the diabetes…and make his teeth rot away at the same time.

2.  Greñitas con chili - I have no idea what these are or what “amer pulp” is but the literal translation seems to be “little mops with chili”.  It looked suspiciously like another tamarind product so I put them back.

3.  Chili Coated Gummy Worms - I mean, it just sounded weird, but not gross enough to enjoy Ed! eating.

4.  Hola! Salted Plums - Ultimately I went with these.  If I could only convey what it felt like to pick up that package and observe the little nuggets suspended in that viscous goo.  I was certain the goo was created partially by the tears of those that had to make this product.  

Verdict: Upon viewing this footage at about 1:40 I was sure I had changed Ed!’s life forever.

11.7.11|Ostrich Jerky

Recap:  As it is nearing the season of insane electoral politics, fact checking has become the modus operandi for many a news website.  We here at Ed! Eats Things believe that no one is immune from being vetted.  This includes of course, Ed!  So, here we go.

1.  The Ed! Eats Things apartment hasn’t been cleaned in 5 years. 

This unfortunately, is mostly true.  What can we say, we’re dudes.

2.  Other Ed estimates that [the ostrich jerky] is about a year old.

False.  Other Ed is a moron that can’t count.  Said jerky is in fact about 3 years old.  We’re very happy that Ed! didn’t die after eating it.  Also, in Other Ed’s defense, he didn’t think Ed! would actually eat it.  But, refer to above moron comment. 

3.  Jerky goes bad.

True.  Beware the false sense of security you get from cured meats people.  

4.  Potassium sorbate caused the confusingly chocolatey taste.

Probably false.  The deep 5 minute research the team did on this matter revealed only indications of a bubble-gum like aroma and flavor.  This wonderful compound is probably the reason Ed! didn’t die after eating 3 year old jerky.

5.  Ed! actually owns those tie-dyed pants.

True.  

Verdict:  We need to clean our apartment more often.  Or less often.  Whatever.

11.5.11|Jelly Belly Strawberry Dessert Topper

Recap:  Many thanks to Ed!’s friend Bob who mailed in a sample of this fine syrupy nepenthe to him.  The perils of not hitting record are terrifying.  You are expecting that your words are being recorded so that approximately 30-50 people will view your words and perhaps be moved by them.  But instead, they only disappear into the air around you, where only you could hear the words you spoke about…

…a dessert topping that looks like Pepto.  

Verdict:  Bob, you’re the best.

10.11.11|Ghiradelli’s 100% Cacao Chocolate Bar

Recap: Hi folks, it’s been awhile since Ed! has posted things here.  It’s not for wont of trying, his dickhead of an archivist has been lax in his duties.  This episode of Ed! Eats Things hails from a few weeks ago, when the team escaped from New York City to the wilds of the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania for a weekend of eating and loafing.  

Enjoy Ed! as he tries to accomplish the 100% cacao challenge.  Not that we are fans of Daniel Tosh by any stretch of the imagination, Other Ed just could not resist in seeing if Ed! could accomplish what so many tried and failed to do.  

Ed! pretty much assumes he can eat anything.  1:22 proves that he can be wrong sometimes.

Verdict: Ed! made it further than this guy.  We’re so proud of him.

10.6.11|Olive Oil and Ricotta Gelato

Recap:  The best Ed! Eats Things episodes come unexpectedly.  Today, as she just waltzed into the Ed! Eats Things apartment for no apparent reason, Katie Pitz decided to bequeath Ed! with his next adventure.  News of his endeavors travel far and wide, and as she was wandering in a fancy market on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, she decided this dubious treat would be up his alley.

Turns out, oily cheesy ice cream is quite delicious!

Verdict: At least it wasn’t made with this cheese.

9.26.11|Cat Food 

Recap (Other Ed):  He’s back folks.  Your favorite internet food vacuum has returned with a vengeance.  After 100 days of eating new things, Ed! needed a break people.  The beondagi crawling around his colon needed some time to find their way out, and Ed! also needed to plot his return.  Several days ago Ed! started talking about doing another episode, but was at his wits’ end in terms of what to eat.  

Then he started talking about cat food. 

I thought he was nuts, and made some vaguely judgmental statements about it being unsuitable for human consumption.  Not that these sorts of facts have stopped him in the past.  So after I stopped judging him I decided I might as well laugh at him. 

So he designed this blind taste test based on some scientific study.  Unfortunately, his facts were a bit wrong, it was dog food.  But, this makes it better.  We’re forging into new scientific territory.  Going boldly where no morons have gone before.  

Verdict:  Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Day 100: Beondaegi 번데기 (9/8/11)

Other Ed:  It’s been 100 days of me watching Ed! consume questionable and delicious foods (mostly questionable) and then making fun of him on Tumblr.  While Ed! was gone and I was alone (so alone) I found myself snacking on a Blue Monkey popsicle and feeling reflective.  Where did the past 100 days go?  

Oh wait, now I remember.

Ed! Eats Things 2.0 is about to take off.  

Verdict:  And this is how it all began.