4.15.12|Two Pounds of Gummy
Ed!: For Christmas, Jay gave me a gummy bear on stick. It weighed two pounds. Now it weighs a little bit less, because I ate its head.
My teeth hurt.
4.12.12|Babybel Wax, etc.
Ed!: Sometimes people ask me why we don’t update more frequently. Beer is why we don’t update more frequently.
Anonymous asked: Ed! It's your old pal Will Nuland! Anyway, big fan of the show. So, I lived in Germany for a couple of years after college and ran into some interesting foods. Most of them were meats or meat-based. One of the most compelling German meat phenomena is something called 'fleischsalat', which translates crudely to 'meat salad'. It's a mayonaise-based shredded meat concoction with tiny pickled things in it. Germans eat it for breakfast. Tried it? You should try it. Preferably on camera.
Whoa, long time. Good to hear from you!
My grandfather has made similar things. If it used to be an animal, he’s shredded it up into mayo for to put on sammiches. I’ll have to check around for a German market or beer hall that’ll sell me a few authentic gobs of it. I don’t think it’s the sort of thing I should try to make at home.
racasper asked: I suggest you try something called "brown bread". It is baked in a can, made with molasses, and usually found in a grocery store near the baked beans. It's a New England thing.. You may actualy like it
Ed!: Having grown up in the harsh wilderness of Connecticut, I’m actually familiar with this canned luxury. I don’t think I’ve had it since high school, but I recall it being pretty tasty.
I was mostly just excited that it was can-shaped, like cranberry sauce. It probably wouldn’t taste half as delicious if wasn’t.
3.10.12|Knäckebröd
Recap: Hello everyone! We promise Ed! is okay, he had some things to do, new foods to discover and some dalliances along the way. But now he’s determined to get back into putting foreign objects into his mouth.
Other Ed goes out to lunch once in awhile, and recently discovered the joys of Scandinavia House. Aside from having excellent picked herring and things made of lingonberry, they have an Ikea sort of thing happening in front of the restaurant which is where today’s food of choice was discovered.
If anything we got see Ed! try to pronounce things in Swedish. One of the few European places he’s not from.
Verdict: Triscuits ARE food.
Ed!: I totally forgot to share that time I made lasagna cupcakes. They’re just like regular lasagna, except cuter. Sometimes I’m pretty awesome at kitchen.
In other news, I have recently been gifted with a bunch of delicious(?) presents, and updates will resume in the soon. I hope you’re ready to hate me, mouth.
1.5.12|Pierogis Slathered in “Dessert Topping”
Recap (Ed!): Apparently this was never posted here. That is a tragedy, because it marks our first episode of Other Ed Eats Things. It’s the Family Matters to my Perfect Strangers, except I’ll be damned if I let Reginald Vel Ed get upstaged by Jaleel White.
Regardless, this is what happens after a long night of slogging back vodka-laced cups of Jell-O with a local celebrity.
Verdict: You can dip pretty much anything in it.
12.28.11|Hola! [Salted Plums]
Recap (Other Ed): My current job requires me to wander around a bit. Not that I think about Ed! all that often, but generally when I run into a foodstuff that looks dubious and vaguely revolting I can’t help but wonder if Ed! will shove it into his mouth for your viewing pleasure.
So when I found myself in an Old Town San Diego gift shop killing time before a meeting, I found a corner of snacks and candies. I noted the existence of the following items.
1. Tamarind Burrito - I decided not to get him this because it might give him the diabetes…and make his teeth rot away at the same time.
2. Greñitas con chili - I have no idea what these are or what “amer pulp” is but the literal translation seems to be “little mops with chili”. It looked suspiciously like another tamarind product so I put them back.
3. Chili Coated Gummy Worms - I mean, it just sounded weird, but not gross enough to enjoy Ed! eating.
4. Hola! Salted Plums - Ultimately I went with these. If I could only convey what it felt like to pick up that package and observe the little nuggets suspended in that viscous goo. I was certain the goo was created partially by the tears of those that had to make this product.
Verdict: Upon viewing this footage at about 1:40 I was sure I had changed Ed!’s life forever.
11.7.11|Ostrich Jerky
Recap: As it is nearing the season of insane electoral politics, fact checking has become the modus operandi for many a news website. We here at Ed! Eats Things believe that no one is immune from being vetted. This includes of course, Ed! So, here we go.
1. The Ed! Eats Things apartment hasn’t been cleaned in 5 years.
This unfortunately, is mostly true. What can we say, we’re dudes.
2. Other Ed estimates that [the ostrich jerky] is about a year old.
False. Other Ed is a moron that can’t count. Said jerky is in fact about 3 years old. We’re very happy that Ed! didn’t die after eating it. Also, in Other Ed’s defense, he didn’t think Ed! would actually eat it. But, refer to above moron comment.
3. Jerky goes bad.
True. Beware the false sense of security you get from cured meats people.
4. Potassium sorbate caused the confusingly chocolatey taste.
Probably false. The deep 5 minute research the team did on this matter revealed only indications of a bubble-gum like aroma and flavor. This wonderful compound is probably the reason Ed! didn’t die after eating 3 year old jerky.
5. Ed! actually owns those tie-dyed pants.
True.
Verdict: We need to clean our apartment more often. Or less often. Whatever.
Anonymous asked: Ed! It seems you haven't eaten something in a long time. I hope you haven't starved to death :(
Ed!: I promise that I’m not dead!
Life done got busy, so the food adventures have slowed down. I promise there will be a few new foods in the near future, as Other Ed has been dutifully bringing me weird, illegible things back from his business trips. And Glögg.
Just because my adventures haven’t been broadcast doesn’t mean they haven’t happened, though. I made a point to ignore my dislike of seafood for the big Italian Seven (Six) Fishes dealie my family puts up for Christmas Eve, so this past month has seen my first scallop (fried; tasty), my first crabcake (also fried; beyond tasty), and (unrelated-ly), my first bottle of Faygo Redpop (red; juggalicious).
2011 has been a questionably delicious year, and I’m sure 2012 has just as many near-edible things in store!
